“The reason why all of this is happening is because I’m not good enough.” Those were the words my daughter said to explain all that was happening in what felt like chaos for her.
I felt like someone punched me right in the lungs and took my breath away. My heart stopped and my eyes watered. I pulled her close and just held her as she sobbed.
I searched desperately for the right words to say to help her. Nothing. All I could do at the moment was hold space for her and tell her that I know she was hurting.
I don’t usually fight off my own tears, nor do I encourage others to do so, but I wanted to hold strong as her little world seemed to be falling apart.
To respect her privacy, I won’t share the details of this conversation but her little heart was breaking and I couldn’t take away her pain. One of the biggest lessons I have had to learn about parenting is allowing her to be on her own journey. As much as I want to take away her pain, it isn’t realistic that I can walk with her in life protecting her from every heartbreak or disappointment.
I have been where she is many times before. We are both empaths. We are both sensitive and want to help others, but we can also feel and take on others’ energy on a deeper level. I wanted so desperately to take on her pain but I now know that I simply can’t. This is her journey.
Back to her words of not feeling enough. Self-worth is something I have struggled with my whole life, and if you follow my blog at all, I had just written a post about self-love a few days ago.
To hear those words from her cut me deep.
I look at her and all I see is her beautiful and kind heart. Her passion for helping others, mainly homeless people. Her love for others, for dance, for laughter. I hadn’t thought for a second she doubted herself.
How could she feel not enough?
And it hit me. How do I still not feel enough?
When she was done crying, she grabbed some snacks and turned on her favorite show. I still had no words for her so I just sat with her, there if she wanted to talk. And then we fell asleep.
I woke up in the morning with a fresh perspective.
I thought about what is within my control. I can’t make her see her own worth. I can’t make this situation go away. I can’t take away her pain.
But what I can do is continue to hold space. To be there when she needs me. To walk with her as she navigates. Teach her about managing her emotions, how to set boundaries, loving herself, what is within her control and what isn’t and the list goes on.
And to keep working on me – healing what needs to be healed that creates my feelings of not-enoughness.
If I had to choose one of my biggest lessons for this year, and there have been many, it would be that as I heal, I heal both past and future generations.
How do you navigate these times with your kids?