Home.

A place of safety, where you can remove the masks you have worn all day, and kick your feet up.

It’s that couch that you sink into after a long day.
The kitchen you cook your favorite meal.
The bed you crawl into and wish you wouldn’t have to leave.
The book you lose yourself in.
The hot bath that you unwind in.
The circle of friends or family where you let your guard down.
The arms of someone you love.

Photo by Pixabay: https://www.pexels.com/photo/light-sea-dawn-landscape-33582/

I’ve found myself seeking this physical place for so long. Longing for a place that brings me so much comfort and safety that I don’t have to worry about who I am, what I say, how I act, or if I will belong. A place that feels like home.

I have felt small glimpses of it.

Such as when I would return to my childhood home after being away at school and my parents would have a homecooked meal it felt like old times, only with a new perspective of how much I missed my family.

Or when we bought our first house and then our second.

And then life would happen.

My childhood home was sold.
Or arguments or tension within the house.
Major expenses that made the home feel more like a burden.

So the search would continue.

And slowly I started to realize that HOME is a place within.

A place within yourself where you feel comfort and safety.

Trust.

A knowing.

Love.

Freedom — free of judgement, of shoulds, of expectation.

Feeling whole as we are. Without having to change a single thing. And not looking for someone or something to fill a void within.

It takes some unpacking to find that place within yourself. Maybe even therapy.

I can’t say that I feel at home within myself most days. 
But I feel like I’m much more at ease within myself than ever. 
There are layers and layers of ways we have lost that connection to ourselves.

Society tells us we have to be one way.
Our family tells us to be another.
And little by little we lose the connection.
We forget who we truly are. 
Our desires get pushed aside in the name of life.
We find ourselves taking care of everyone else. 
And our own needs and wants come in last.

It’s a journey. 
And I’m not sure there is an exact destination.

As Ram Dass so beautifully put it, “we’re all just walking each other home.”